Ever since Dan Savage helped coin the term pegging, strap-on sex has had a place in the popular imagination. Traditionally thought of as a lesbian sex practice, strap-on play can be fun for all bodies and all genders. More heterosexual couples are opening up to the idea, and men can wear them too. Strap-on harnesses enable men with erectile dysfunction to have a more traditional sexual experience with their partners, and it allows men to pick and choose their equipment, so to speak, to keep things fresh in the bedroom. Some harnesses work comfortably over male anatomy, while others do not. This week Unconventional Love takes a look at several inexpensive and readily-available strap on harnesses that you may want to consider for your bedroom adventures.
Sportsheets Thigh Harness – $25
Most strap-on harnesses are designed to be worn on the hips, but there are numerous other variations available. Sportsheets produces an inexpensive neoprene harness that wraps around the wearer’s thigh. Neoprene is machine washable, and Velcro straps make this harness easy to put on and take off. Sizing is somewhat limited, though two could be Velcroed together for a larger option. There is an opening for a toy to fit through, though toy size is limited by its diameter.
In our reviews, this was a simple toy to use, and it functioned well in various positions. It does require a bit of fitness for extended use, since you are operating your muscles asymmetrically. Having two partners wear them simultaneously is also an option, though one reviewer commented, “two people is like assembling Ikea furniture with no instructions and no Allen wrench” so this requires a certain level of finesse. Self play is also an option with this product, using a pillow or other stationary object. Please choose your stationary object wisely – we don’t want to be writing about you in the news next week.
Stormy Leather Terra Firma Strap-On Harness – $75
We tried two traditional strap-on harnesses designed to fit on the wearer’s hips. The first, the Terra Firma harness by Stormy Leather, is composed of soft garment leather. We recommend the dee ring model rather than the buckle model. Dee rings were a game changer for comfort; the buckles on the standard model dug into the recipient’s legs in unpleasant ways.
The Terra Firma harness is easy to get into and highly adjustable, fitting hips from 30 inches to 55 inches. It comes with three black silicone rings, allowing the wearer to utilize many different diameter toys. The waist strap of this harness sits comfortably above the hips, and the leg straps are thin enough to create an open crotch for partner access. The entire front panel can be adjusted up or down, which allows it to accommodate different genital anatomy. As a bonus, it’s made in America by a small business employing leather crafters in Los Angeles.
The only downside is this harness is harder to clean, because leather can’t be put in the washing machine. Instead, it can be cleaned with disinfectants or leather cleaner.
Strap U Flamingo Low Rise Harness – $30
Strap U makes several inexpensive harnesses, all of which are readily available from various online sellers. We opted to try the Flamingo model, because let’s face it, it’s pink-trimmed and pretty. Aside from being adorable, this harness is easy to get into and easy to wash with your laundry. It also comes with multiple diameter rings to fit a variety of toys.
The Flamingo is a low-rise harness, which our testers found added stability but greatly limited what positions were realistically workable. The velvet finish on the straps seemed soft and comfortable, but reviews for comfort in use were mixed. One tester complained, “the buckles dug into my hip bones and I couldn’t last five minutes with this thing.” The front panel wouldn’t fit over male anatomy without uncomfortable squishing, and the crotch doesn’t provide open access for anyone.
Generic Chin Harness – $30
In the spirit of creativity, our testers also sampled a generic chin harness we found online. Consensus was clear and hilarious: “Great idea, horrible execution!” Testers reported the head straps wouldn’t stay in place for even a few seconds. Although the product was adjustable to fit many size heads, “it won’t matter because you’ll end up stuck holding it,” one tester joked. Another was adamant, “do not wear this ridiculous thing unless it’s in the dark.”
The plastic panel that fits against the wearer’s chin also received complaints about being too shallow to anchor the toy in any way. The aesthetic was universally panned. One tester said, “I felt like a knockoff King Tut in bad drag.” Adding to the comedy? Illumination from the power button created an unintentional light show, which could be either a plus or a minus depending on how shy you are or how much detail you’d like to see while wielding this thing.
Overall, our testers unanimously preferred the Terra Firma harness. The more difficult cleanup was well worth it for comfort, versatility, and ease of use. Stockroom also lists a washable nylon alternative product, the Malibu Terra Firma Harness, but it was out of stock at the time of our research. This spring, branch out and explore different types of intimacy with a variety of harnesses, but maybe leave King Tut to the museum.
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Elizabeth R. Busbee earned a doctorate at Yale and specializes in issues of gender, sexuality, and communication. She has been helping people explore and enjoy intimacy for over 20 years. Her private relationship and intimacy coaching practice can be reached at alternativeintimacy.com
Have a question you’d like answered? Write to Elizabeth at UnconventionalLoveCoach@gmail.com