Nobody wants to play with sex toys that suck, well, except these.
This week, at Unconventional Love, we’re reviewing an array of suction-based vibrators at a wide range of price points. If you haven’t given suction toys a whirl, they can provide sensations so different from traditional vibrators that I’ve heard multiple people describe them as “life changing.” I couldn’t resist the chance to do some research, let’s just say for the sake of science. Consider these fantastic stocking stuffers for your holiday wish list.
Suction toys operate differently from conventional vibrators, using a pulse of air suction targeted to a small area of the body, such as a clitoris or nipple. Owing to the brilliance of German engineering, the technology was first marketed by the company Womanizer in 2013.
Reponses to these toys range from “OMG” to “meh,” but lackluster experiences may often be the result of improper use. The key? Use lube to create a proper suction seal between your skin and the toy and apply a gentle bit of pressure to maintain that seal. No seal = no suction = no “OMG.”
All four of the toys we reviewed have several features in common. They have respectable battery life, but when used correctly are generally so effective that longevity will be irrelevant. All are made of body-safe silicone that’s easy to clean. They are cordless during use and waterproof. The models we tested also have travel safe power buttons, so TSA doesn’t give you judgy faces when your backpack starts buzzing.
One complaint: these toys all have rather fiddly magnetic USB chargers, so make sure they are properly connected when you put them to bed after play. Overall, these toys all get the job done, but with slightly different features and specs and very different price points.
Shein Suction Wand $10 available online
Shein has a dizzying array of sex toys. If you can get past the questionable company ethics, you’re presented with a whole host of hedonistic possibilities. This is the largest product we tested, roughly 7 inches long and available in pink or purple. It’s not as travel friendly given its size, but was very easy to hold and operate.
Most importantly, it has dual functions. The suction end has ten different settings including patterns to keep things interesting. The opposite end offers a more traditional vibrator function that works internally or externally. The suction opening is larger than the other products we tested, which would fit a wider variety of body shapes. Advertised battery life is two hours. Overall, it looks and feels like a really elegant toy, and the price is bargain basement.
Shein Seahorse $8 available online
I don’t know why sex toy makers insist on creating vibrators with cute little animal faces. At no point in 20 years of relationship coaching have I ever heard a woman say, “Wow you know what my bedroom needs? A sparkly pink marsupial between my legs!” Or a man confess, “my deepest darkest fantasy is to masturbate my gorgeous wife with a goofy purple chipmunk.” And yet here we are, as 2024 comes to a close, still suffering through ridiculous animal vibrators.
In this case, I assure you the bizarre little eye notches and ears do not detract from the magic this toy provides. Slightly smaller than the above model at roughly 6 inches, this little critter comes in pink or purple. It has dual functions too – 10 suction settings including patterns at one end, and ten vibration settings including patterns on the other side. It’s easy to hold and a great shape for partner play due to the curved vibrator end. The whole thing is waterproof with a medium opening, and a battery life of 80 minutes. Honestly, if you last that long, you may need medical intervention. Or at least hydration.
Hello Cake makes an adorable toy that’s a smaller size at 4 inches long. It’s an attractive light blue color and perfect for packing light. Unlike the above models, this toy has a single serious purpose in life. It only has a suction function, no vibration, but it does have 10 different intensities including patterns. The upside? It has a wider range of intensities from mild to wild compared to the other toys, so could potentially appeal to a wider range of bodies. The battery life is 50-70 minutes depending on intensity. The real selling point for this toy is the option to buy it at a local big-box store in the health and wellness section, which is great for shoppers who are too nervous to set foot in an adult toy store.
We-Vibe Melt $150 online or at upscale adult stores
Midsize, like the Shein seahorse, this sleek number comes in pink or navy. It’s a great shape for partner sex, low profile with a nice curve that fits easily between bodies. Like the Hello Cake toy, it has a single function, providing only suction without vibration. It has the highest number of intensity setting options of the toys we tried, providing 12 different levels of stimulation. Oddly it has no patterns, making it best suited for people who are only seeking a constant, steady sensation. The battery life is up to 2 hours.
I struggled to figure out why this toy has such a higher price tag, over $100 pricier than the other models we reviewed. It does have an app for long-distance play, which none of the other toys provide. As far as I can tell, that’s the only real upsell, which may be worth the extra cash for some people.
In the end? The standout toy was the Shein Seahorse, surprisingly the least expensive model we tested. Price aside, it gave the most effective performance and had the greatest flexibility in the ways it could be used. It was easy to hold, straightforward to operate, and simple to clean. It’s such a hidden gem that it’s frequently sold out on their website. Be persistent until it comes back in stock or try the similar models that have nearly identical functionality. They even have one with reindeer antlers for the holiday season, for all of you who have been dying for that ridiculous animal experience.
All of the products we tested were fun, easy to use, and packed a remarkably effective punch. If you haven’t explored adult toys that suck, we highly recommend adding some to your holiday wish list.