We Have Trouble Right Here in Old Lyme City

To the Editor:

With apologies to “The Music Man”, we have trouble. Oh we got trouble, right here in Old Lyme City! With a capital “T” that rhymes with “B” that stands for beaver. As I was strolling through my beautiful town today, I saw many handwritten signs about beavers voting for Tim Griswold. At first, I was dumbfounded about who would have illegally posted all of these early grade school quality signs on privately owned utility poles. But instead of calling in a complaint to our local constabularies for suspicion of trespassing and criminal mischief, I decided to look into why our town’s beavers were working so hard to get out the vote for Tim.

Well, I googled “Beavers for Tim” and I came across a very interesting eight plus minute video on YouTube that talked about this very issue! At first I thought it was a local theater company doing John Updike’s “The Witches of Eastwick” or perhaps the weird sisters from “Macbeth” but I soon realized that it was three women wearing beaver masks. It was the right video!

It seems that these three beaver women don’t like Tim Griswold. But why? What did Tim do to the beavers? It was very confusing because the beaver women also said to vote for anyone else except Tim. Yet the illegally posted signs on privately owned utility poles said that the beavers were voting for Tim. The messaging was confusing to say the least. Wanting to know more after watching the beaver women video, I decided to do some research. Here’s what I found.

Lee Detwiler has been sending letters to a New London newspaper (Yes, that newspaper that never fails to throw beaver lover Tim under the bus) for several months now about the plight of a man whose property is flooding due to beaver activity. Lee, who lives in Pennsylvania, is very invested in who the next first selectperson will be and recently had yet another letter published in that newspaper. Lee, from Pennsylvania, urges Old Lyme folks to vote for Martha Shoemaker. Lee seems to hate beavers.

No doubt that the beaver activity affected man is experiencing hardship. However, the beaver activity on his and adjoining lands are all privately owned properties. It’s my understanding that there isn’t much an elected first selectman can do with public tax money to alleviate the conditions on private property. Otherwise, I would like the town to remove some of my trees at no expense to me.

So, what are these beaver women saying? Their logic confounded me. They say that they support Tim because Tim doesn’t think he has the authority to trap and kill beavers on private property. But yet, the beaver women ask that he not be re-elected. Do the beaver women want a first selectperson that will trap and kill beavers on private property at taxpayer expense?

Certainly, the beaver women could benefit from someone skilled in campaign messaging.

Does this beg the question? Are the democrats in support of killing beavers? Will a democrat victory next Tuesday lead to an all-out massacre of these cute little critters? Will our mill rate go up as beavers are trapped and killed on all private property? Does Martha Shoemaker hate beavers? I have a scary image in my head of a democrat first selectwoman hunting down beavers like Bill Murray stalking gophers in “Caddyshack”.

Thank you beaver women of Old Lyme for making this an important issue for next Tuesday!

Mike Miller
Old Lyme

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