CT Examiner columnist Elizabeth Busbee talks with Ben and Trudie Larrabee, a photographer and his muse, who are husband and wife and based in Darien.
Ben Larrabee published “Trudie: A Portrait by Ben Larrabee,” in 2025, a limited edition book of 51 photographs taken between 1997 and 2017.
The interview is part of an ongoing series by Busbee examining erotic life from an unconventional point of view.
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ERB: Ben, why photography? What first drew you to this medium? And who has inspired you creatively?
Ben: I attended Rhode Island School of Design thinking that I would get a degree in graphic design. As part of the requirement, I took a photography course with Harry Callahan (one of the 20th century’s most influential photographers) in my sophomore year.
When I saw an image appear in the developer tray, I thought it was like magic. I stayed a fifth year so I could get a photography degree and study with Harry. His approach resonated with me — “Trust your instincts, and don’t pay too much attention to what other photographers are doing. Find your own way and then it’s yours, no one can take that away from you. Also, photograph what you love.” He taught me to think of the process of photographing as a way to learn something new.
Harry Callahan was my teacher at RISD and my mentor for many years thereafter. I’ve also been inspired by Alfred Stieglitz and Edward Weston who photographed their wives nude. Seeing their work set a precedent that made it okay for me to show images of Trudie nude.
ERB: Trudie, how did you first get involved as the model and muse. How has your headspace evolved over the years of working together?
Trudie: I don’t think of myself as Ben’s model, but I do think of myself as his muse. It wasn’t a title I initially embraced. When people called me Ben’s muse, I felt shy and self-conscious. However, over the years, I realized I really am. Especially now with the book, we see that I have been a source of inspiration for Ben.
Ben is photographing me as I am naturally. He creates images of me during our travels and at home. He says he’s inspired by the way I position myself. There was a period when Ben always had the camera in the bedroom and easily accessible in the house so that he could photograph me before what he saw was gone.
When Ben first entered a nude photograph of me in a Rowayton Arts Center show and it was put up on the gallery wall, I was worried that I would be judged. But the response was very positive. ‘This is art,’ they commented, and anyway, it’s in the tradition of the arts for an artist to have a muse. They didn’t seem to have a problem. They’re also tasteful images. And Ben makes me look good. I’m proud of them. He’s photographing me with loving eyes.
My heritage is Dutch and I grew up with nudity. I’m very comfortable with my body and I feel good about my physical self. And I love to skinny dip.
For the past 10 years, four nude images of me have been hanging in the Darien Cheese Shop. I don’t think many people see them because they’re up high. But occasionally, we hear someone has noticed them. I think it’s fun to tell people there are nude images of me in the local cheese shop. The owner wanted to shake things up a bit and depart from Ben’s family portraits and show nudes.
ERB: What do you think is the difference between art and pornography. Is it intent? Content? Gaze?
Ben: The difference between pornography and my art of Trudie is intent. If I was trying to create something for the purpose of sexual arousal that’s pornography. But that is not what I’m doing here.
My art of Trudie shows the love and connection that I feel for her. When I photograph Trudie, I am exploring visual ideas, i.e. composition, rhythm, texture, point of view.
ERB: How long have you been together as a couple? And how has this shared passion project shaped your relationship?
We’ve been married for 35 years.
Ben: I’m a photographer, constantly looking and photographing. I don’t think of this as a passion project. It’s my life to want to create images, and Trudie is my subject. I like the way she moves, positions herself. I am attracted to her. I’m creating art with Trudie as my subject.
In the process, I learn something about myself as well as about her. I learn how I show her, how I compose, how I interpret the situation. I learn from doing the looking and why I am drawn to seeing her in certain ways. Photographing Trudie has drawn us closer together.
Trudie: When Ben wants to photograph me, I feel appreciated. And I feel beautiful. It’s easy because I just get to do my own thing. He’s not giving me directions or telling me to do anything. He’s just enjoying how I am.
ERB: How do you shift gears together? Going from photography work to home and play?
Ben: Photography has always been play for me. It’s all fluid. Photography is our life.
Trudie: We work out of our home. We take time for work and play. We have a nice balance.
ERB: What are your words of wisdom for other couples? What has helped you both make it work long-term?
Ben: Time for intimacy and sex. We set aside time for intimacy; two hours, three times a week. We call it Wellness Time. We go upstairs to our bedroom, close the door, turn up the heat and take off our clothes (and we each do a gummy).
Talking. We take time to talk to each other when we have conflict. We have a process called mirroring. We each take a turn to listen to each other without comment and reflect back what we heard without judgment. It’s a technique we learned in therapy from Harville Hendrix. We’ve done couples and individual therapy when needed over the 35 years.
Trudie: We put our wellness time on the calendar. It’s scheduled because we know that sex doesn’t just happen; you need to make time for it. At first, I resisted taking the time, but I now realize the importance of taking time to nurture our relationship, through talking, touch, playfulness.
Working together has strengthened our relationship. When I joined Ben in the photography practice in 2003, it was like getting married again. We were in the boat together and worked to keep it afloat. We each have our own set of skills, and we appreciate what the other brings to the partnership.
ERB: Tell us about your book. How can people find you online, and where can they buy the book?
Ben: Throughout our life together, I’ve been photographing Trudie. I’ve assembled a body of work that I wanted to share because I’m proud of the images. It’s about our shared life together. These are spontaneous images that I’ve taken during our travels and at home. The book is a record of moments of grace with Trudie. Beautiful moments make a beautiful life.
Trudie: The book includes both black-and-white duotone and four-color images taken over a 20-year period between 1997 and 2017. It is a limited edition, clothbound, smyth-sewn, hardcover with dustjacket, 88 pages, 11 x 11 inches. It’s a high-quality production coffee table book. It is available for purchase on our website here and at Barrett Bookstore in Darien.